Only a mothe r could love this liver
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
We smell like vodka and hangover
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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