ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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