Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
