So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
