i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
