We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
