I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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