16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
