I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
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