He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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