I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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