I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
this is an emotional support booty call
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
