my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Found the puke drawer
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
