Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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