So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
