these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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