I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
