You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
