i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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