when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
