Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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