Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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