I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
