I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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