So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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