Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
