You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
