I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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