I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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