...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
