so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
What drink are we having for lunch?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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