So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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