Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
