also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
