apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
