I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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