she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
