Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
