I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
