PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
