I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
