why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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