Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
