wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
