Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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