Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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