Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
