so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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