What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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