I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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