she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
