So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
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Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
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There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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