why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
pray to the hookup gods
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
