this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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