Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
