He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
