there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
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I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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