You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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