Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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