Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
