I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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