I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
