Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
