Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize