You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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