Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
