can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
