Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Drake has all the answers
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
