If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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