Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
