just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize