Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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