Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
