you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She bit a glass in half.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
