My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
