Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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