I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
