The best revenge is premature balding
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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