Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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