i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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