Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
