I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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