I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
