you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
