38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
